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The Telemetry Desk is a weekly ritual, not a wall of charts.
This is the method behind Proxy Routecore’s Gaming App Analytics teaching. Steal the checklist. Then take a course if you want critique on your actual events.
Monday: freeze the dictionary
Before anyone argues about retention, the desk prints (or pastes) the event names that shipped last week. Duplicates get a strike. Unnamed tutorial steps get a ticket, not a comment in Slack.
Students in the Cohort Telemetry Studio do this as Session Ledger homework. It is boring on purpose. Boring is how taxonomies survive a season pass.
Wednesday: one cohort cut that hurts
We refuse a blended D1 as the only slide. The minimum cut is install week × store. For Thailand soft launches we add payment method when the sample is large enough, and we say so when it is not.
If the cut does not change the story, we still keep it. Silence is information.
Friday: the ignore list
Every Telemetry Desk week ends by naming one metric the studio will not report upstream. Session length, raw DAU, or an ARPU figure without a payer cohort — pick one. The Live-Ops KPI Clinic exists almost entirely for this contract.
Ignoring a metric is not anti-data. It is how small teams stop performing analytics for a slide that no designer can act on.
Thailand-specific checks we keep on the wall
- Store review latency versus the event that fires on first open after update.
- Consent and ATT-style prompts timed against tutorial complete — not against install alone.
- TrueMoney / store billing mix called out whenever a monetization funnel is shown.
- Time-of-day peaks in ICT, not a UTC chart copied from a US cell.
None of this replaces your lawyer or your UA buyer. It does stop a dishonest “SEA blended” readout. More on that in the note Soft-launch metrics that matter for Thailand builds.